i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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