This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
