I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
