Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
