Say something about gay babies.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
