i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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