You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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