Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
