hell yes lets make some ravioli
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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