Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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