Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize