hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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