i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
