so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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