I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
