If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Terrible idea I love it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
