Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize