Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
