Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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