The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
