I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
