Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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