i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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