Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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