do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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