I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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