He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
