you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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