"it" just moved
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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