ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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