I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
