Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
