At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
