You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
