Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
false alarm, still single
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
