And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
