mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
