Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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