it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
