I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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