The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
