You're my little dorito
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
