you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
