he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
