I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
