i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
where are my eyebrows?
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