When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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