But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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