She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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