they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize