After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
