And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
