I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
