Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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