Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
