My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
