I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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