I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
