So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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