his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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