We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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