dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is wine microwaveable?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
