He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
