she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
