dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
