i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
