I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
