Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
