In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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