Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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