Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
