What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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