I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
